Monday, August 6, 2018

Strong

This weekend sweet baby wasn't feeling well, teething, with a low grade fever. At one point I sat him down in his jumparoo, which he loves, and he immediately started crying a pitiful little cry. Since I'm wrapped around his finger I picked him back up and sat on the couch with him. He leaned into my chest and looked up into my eyes. We sat like this, snuggled up, for a while until he fell asleep and I have to say as bad as I felt for him I enjoyed the cuddles so much.

    At 7 months old baby is On. The. Go. Not sitting still for two minutes at a time, wanting to be on his play mat or jumping in the bouncy chair or being walked around. I'm thankful he is so active and content but I also miss those tiny baby cuddles. It took a rough situation for him to want to sit with me and be still in the comfort I could offer him as his mom.

   It's been a very hard summer in many ways. Last year was rough but as difficult as it was to let T move on, it was our choice and God gave us the wisdom to realize that was the right decision.

    And this year feels different to me, immensely different, than last year, partly because everything is so out of my control.

   If things were not hard, and challenging, if there were not so many difficult people and situations to navigate I can only imagine how much less I'd need and navigate to the comfort Jesus offers.

    Hard places make me run to him. To sit in His presence and praise and offer Thanksgiving- because in my limited power that's all I can do. And it's a sweet place to be in the end.

   2 Corinthians 12: 9-10 tells me that His grace is sufficient for me, that my weakness is made perfect in His strength.

   There is no peace for me apart from Him. And when the stress and anxiety pulls me away like it often does, if I can put myself back there, if I can crawl back and offer my suffering as an offering He comes through every time.

     I'm not told what is happening in the background of our situation. Literally or spiritually. But I believe that God is working and while He is working l'll come. I'll sit in His presence and learn what He has to teach me. And allow Him to take my burdens as only He can.

  I'm thankful for that place of total dependence. There's peace I've never known and comfort that only comes from Him. I sometimes think how amazing that God would choose a tiny baby to change me so much. But didn't He do that before?


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