Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Four

Gypsy Slow Down



I was driving back from my parent's last weekend and as I drove behind someone going excruciatingly slow I had an opportunity to look around and notice how green and bright everything has become.

I get so used to all the brown and grey during the winter that it really is a surprise when the grass grows in again and the weeping willow blossoms again and the dogwood trees bloom and suddenly things are different.

I don't mind winter, I like cold weather. But it's not until I'm out of that season that I realize how much I also like Spring, how there's a hazy happiness in the change outside and the anticipation of a hot and steamy summer.
 Things get lazier. 
I'm barefoot outside. 
The lettuce in the garden is coming up despite all odds of a late frost. 

My life has been in a season of Winter these past few years. Frosty in a good way, hibernating in the same things, settling in for a long cozy season of life in the Little Brick House and my job and Witt's job and life as caretakers of this office property. 

It's been good and hard all at the same time. I've learned so much about myself from living here. Learned what I can do without, how I can be resourceful without a dishwasher, washer and dryer or closet for my clothes.
 Cooking for four years in a tiny nook of a kitchen. 
Living in a "one" room house has made Witt and
 I close in a way that wouldn't have been possible any other way. 

There have been parties here and company over and we haven't waited to bring out the best china. I've started a little business here and split our bedroom in half a craft area and half a bed. 

I've also seen how prideful I am, how ungrateful I can be. 
That I like nice job titles and I don't want to clean someone else's toilet. 

But I've seen what I can rise above.
 I never in a million years believed that two years after actively
 wanting to have a child that I'd still be here, without one

But that's been good, too. 
I've cried one day and laughed the next.
 Let go of control. 

Seen how fast I can bounce back from disappointment. 
I could have spent those two years in a panic but it hasn't been like that. 
I'll always have happy memories mixed in with the hard ones of this time and I see this time still stretching out, maybe or maybe not, but I know if it does, I'm ok. I like our life together. 

And now I'm starting to see some blooms on the trees. 

Tiny ones, not quite ready to come out but letting me know they are on the way. 
We've saved up our goal for a down-payment on a house (!!) and we have a Realtor.
 My job that I've had for the past three years is ending in four months, as the last little person I've nannyed is going to school full-time. Bittersweet indeed. And Witt has a new job lead. 

I can't fully imagine leaving the Little Brick House but I am so ready.
 And I'm ready for the new things on my horizon too.
 I have no idea what I will do in the fall but there's a certain amount of intrigue knowing that finally, I'll be doing something new. 

Four years in this house has seemed like a long time and a short time all together. 

I've lived some months with one foot out the door in every aspect of my life but I've lived the rest settling in and loving this time, this cozy Winter. 

So cheers to Spring. Bring it on.





Gypsy Slow Down



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