Wednesday, April 3, 2013

The time I was jealous

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Gypsy Slow Down


He is Risen indeed. 

Easter weekend was full and fit to burst. Friday we helped with our church's Via Dolorosa event, Saturday my sister and nieces came to our church for an egg hunt, Ela's first. And then we all went to my parent's house for dinner. Sunday morning everyone came to church with us, one long pew of them. And then we ate dinner on our lawn before visiting my grandparents and then heading to my parents again for Easter dinner with pork and veal and sangria.
Whew.



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Gypsy Slow Down


It was really nice. I love that our church is so happy and excited and that they have a dance team and a joyful spirit. The service was really on fire celebrating Christ risen from the dead. It was so good to see my sister and her family and to spend so much time together. I loved every minute.

I really shouldn't admit this...but there was a tiny part of me that was jealous. 

Easter is about Jesus and about new beginnings.
 My older sister has new babies. My younger sister is getting married and moving to Puerto Rico. My other sister is graduating and going to college. My youngest sister has her whole life ahead of her and is going to be a senior.


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And me? Well, same old same old. There just doesn't seem to be any change on the horizon for me. Same job. Same little brick house. Same struggles. I'm glad I have the same husband! But I so wanted this year to be a fresh start, and so far it's been well....the same. 

Since last July we've been trying to have a baby.



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In February we decided that it just must not be God's timing and we'd take a few months off because let's face it, it can be really, really disappointing, I think more so for me. And we were thankful for the extra time to focus on our finances.
I know many couples try for years, but it was hard for me because I expected it to happen right away. I'm impatient like that.

We may start trying again soon, because it's still a very real desire of my heart. And I recently discovered a really good book that my sweet doctor recommended. But I also believe that God plans every little baby's life and that he has perfect timing.
My mom had all three of us right away but then she had to wait five years for my younger sister to come along, and then my littlest sister came right after that. It was so perfect because my Mom would have hated having everyone gone for all the years that the three of us were out but she's had my two younger sisters at home. And now that they are leaving, she has grandkids.

It's the believing with my head but then also with my heart that is hard.



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Gypsy Slow Down


A few people know, but it's not something you want to broadcast because you know how it is and what people say even in the most well meaning and gracious way, (just relax, it will happen! It's only been such and such months! Have you tried standing on your head in the light of a full moon? or the worst, at every family gathering: when are ya'll going to start a family??)

and then there is always the fact that you want to surprise everyone which is another reason I've been quiet.

I'm always nervous to post posts like this because my life really is happy. I have so many reasons to be grateful, and out there it's a lot worse for someone else.
But just because life is 95% good, doesn't mean that the other 5% isn't a big deal and that it doesn't get to me from time to time.
And this Easter, it really got to me.

There are so many fun and great things about it just being Witt and I right now. And from the bottom of my soul I am trying to notice those and trying to really dig in deep and appreciate this time in my life- a time that I will never have back. 

So that's my focus.


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At lunch, around everyone's place, I had a little Easter box and inside was one of the verses of Luke 24 with some tiny chocolate eggs. Everyone went around the table reading their part and we all chorused at the end, He is risen indeed!

 I also made the most fun jello slices, I saw the idea in my Rachel Ray magazine. You hollow out orange halves and then pour jello in. After it sets, you can slice it like an orange! Ela loved it.
I also made peanut butter and chocolate sugar free truffles, yum.


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The sun came out!




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Are my nieces not the cutest ever?

I hope everyone had a wonderful Easter!


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