Wednesday, December 5, 2012

My Teas Gone Cold, I'm Wondering Why I Got Out of Bed at All

I had a bad day yesterday. It all started when we were praying before I left for work and I was praying about something that has really been a struggle since this summer and as I started praying for that, I started thinking about other things in the coming months that I was worried about and suddenly I felt so overwhelmed and panicky.

I just could not snap out of it the entire day.

In the back of my mind was this dread. I've been here before. My last day in Parismore than five years ago (I can't believe that), as I was driving to the airport in a taxi, my five huge bags from a year in the city in the trunk, I remember looking out the window and thinking, I'll miss Paris, but I don't think she will miss me. It should have been exciting, not knowing what was going to happen when I got home or what I was going to do, or how my life was going to pan out, but it wasn't. Because I didn't know.

Gypsy Slow Down

And then this morning. I was reading this new devotional, a book that made me think as I was lying in bed, "that book is so dry, I really hate it." I opened it up anyway and it was about the disciples feeding the five thousand, when God told them he was going to test their faith. How the little struggles in life are something to be thankful for because they might show us that our faith isn't as strong as we thought, so that when the big struggles come we know we need to get ready. I thought that was interesting since we know that the disciples were about to face one of the biggest struggles of their life later on.

And Liz Curtis Higgs said in bible study the other night, "I trust in God's promises and I'd like those promises tomorrow." And then she says, "But trusting in God's promises means trusting in his timing."

Which is of course really hard, no matter what you are going through.

Gypsy Slow Down

So. Am I thankful for the little struggles, the set-backs, the mash ups? I don't know yet. But I can try and I will try, because I need faith strong enough to handle the big stuff when it comes my way.

And there are only 40 spots left on my gratitude list before I reach 1000. I can't believe that. So...

#960 Finding Advil in the bottom of my purse

# 961 Learning lessons of trust

#962 Iced coffee with vanilla and cinnamon

(It's the little things too, ya'll!)

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